Feelings? I Thought We Were Being Efficient.™
| Transactional Relationships™ | Interpersonal Relationships™ |
|---|---|
| Based on exchanges or benefits | Based on emotional connection and mutual care |
| Short-term or situational | Long-term and evolving |
| Motivated by “what can I get?” | Motivated by “how can we grow together?” |
| Conditional — tied to performance or outcome | Unconditional — not dependent on benefits |
| Often impersonal and formal | Personal, warm, and authentic |
| Ends when the transaction ends | Continues regardless of immediate utility |
| Roles and titles define interaction | Individuals matter more than roles |
| Efficiency and output are prioritized | Empathy and understanding are prioritized |
| Feedback may be limited or one-sided | Open, two-way communication |
| Power dynamics are often present | Built on equality and mutual respect |
When I first heard the phrase interpersonal relationships, I was like—¿qué? What does that even mean? Why would anyone want to be with one partner for 30 years? Are y’all okay? I have never been faithful!
I’m not even being funny. I loved temp work. I still love temp work. 🤷🏽♀️
Contracts. Boundaries. Limited time.
Thank you for your service—bye! 😎
The idea of being with the same people for years? Nope. Not me.
Efficiency is my middle name. I am focused. I am on point.
I do this, and I get that. Clear exchange.
All business. No fuzzies.
Growing up, the only emotion I knew well was sadness. 🥀 Sorrow was my friend.
But even then, I didn’t realize how deeply that sadness shaped me.
I didn’t have a name for what was missing.
I didn’t know I was burying something beautiful—
my natural yearning for warmth, for real connection,
for that soft space called mutual care. I still haven’t experienced this, perhaps I can now, perhaps
Turns out, I wasn’t cold.
I was conditioned. 💔 I remember people would ask me “what’s wrong why do you look so sad?”
I wasn’t broken.
I was bracing. What I witnessed as interpersonal relationships was horrifying, brutal, painful, sad.
In my world, love came with fine print.
With silent contracts. Remember those death looks that made you shiver.
With exchanges so subtle, you wouldn’t even notice they were trades.
I gave, I showed up, I performed—and in return, maybe I’d be seen.
Maybe I’d matter. Little did I know that I would rise up to the challenge to matter without exchange.
Transactional Tenderness™.
That’s what I learned first.
Give love, get worth.
Be useful, get access.
Be efficient, be quiet, be loyal.
Get approval.
That’s the rhythm I knew.
That’s the logic I lived by. 🧾
But even logic has its limits. And I’m a 4.0 kinda girl you know deans list.
Somewhere in the silence, I’d catch a warm and fuzzy feeling…
and I didn’t know what to do with it. 🥹 So i faked mainly myself but a few others too, my bad!
I could recognize intimacy, even admire it—
but it was like watching someone else’s language
and hoping the subtitles showed up.
So here I am, still learning.
Learning to Rebuild from Realness™.
Learning to love slow, soft, and uncertain.
To feel without performing.
To open without a guaranteed return.
I’m not mad at myself.
No shame here.
Just softness.
Just truth.
Just reality as it is, I am learning to connect with others by connecting to myself first.
We weren’t born transactional—
we were just surviving.
But we can still learn the language of reciprocity. 🌱
We can still practice being held without being useful.
We can still whisper, “Estoy aquí,” and mean it. ❤️🔥
🌿 Also explore wellness on my sister blog:
Anew Mirror
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